A Sad La Habra Heights Christmas Story
Twas the
night before Christmas, when all through City Hall
Not a creature was
stirring, not even a rat. The subpoenas were hung by the notice board with
care, In hopes that the DA would not soon be there.
The children were nestled
all snug at their desks, While visions of jack hammers rattled their heads.
And
mamma Jean on her broom, and I in my cap,
Had just settled at the bar for a
long winter’s nip.
When out on Hacienda there arose such a clatter,
I sprang
from the bar to see what was the matter.
Away to the window I flew like a
flash,
shut off the security cameras and hid the cash.
The spotlight on the
crest of asbestos dust white as snow
Gave the lustre of mid-day to objects
below.
When, what to my wondering eyes should appear,
But a SWAT team of eight
armed with gear.
With a big, bald driver, so lively and quick,
I knew in a
moment I was going to be sick.
More rapid than eagles his coursers they
came,
And he whistled, and shouted, and called us by name!
"Now Miller!
now, Higgins! now, Williams and Clark!
Yo, Bergman!, Yo Francis! You too Levin
and Whatley!
To the front of the walk! Hands against the wall!
Now go away! go
away! go away all!"
So off to the pokey the
coursers they flew,
With a paddy wagon full and Jean Good too.
And then, in a
twinkling, I heard on the roof
The prancing and pawing of little rat hoofs.
As
I drew in my head, and was turning around,
Down the chimney the naughty Easter Bunny came
with a bound.
He was covered all in fur, from his head to his foot,
And his
tail and ears were all tarnished with ashes and soot.
A bundle of Dues
Envelopes he had flung on his back,
And he looked like a grifter, just opening
his pack.
His face-how wrinkled! his pimples how cherry!
His arms were like
hoses, his nose like a berry!
His droll little mouth was drawn up like a
bow,
And the tip of his chin was as white as the snow.
The stump of a joint he
held tight in his teeth,
And the smoke it encircled his head like a wreath.
He
had a sour face and a little round belly,
That shook when he laughed, like
spoiled eggs at the deli!
He was dirty and greasy, hardly an elf,
And barfed
when I saw him, in spite of myself!
A stink of his eye and a twist of his
head, Soon gave me to know I could soon be dead!
He spoke not a word, but went
straight to his work,
And filled all his pockets, then turned with a jerk.
And
laying his paw aside of his nose,
And gave us the bird, up the chimney he
rose!
He summoned all the rats, to his team gave a whistle,
And away they all
ran fast as roaches like a missile.
But I heard him exclaim, ‘ere he ran out of
sight,
"Happy Christmas to all, and better pay your dues tonight!"
