Saturday, June 11, 2011

Improvement Association Rats to Gather

This Year's Theme: Eradication of the Non Believers

The Improvement Association has once again deployed their giant mascot in front of City Hall signaling the upcoming "Members Only" meeting and secret election for our cult group. The annual meeting is scheduled for June 16th beginning at 7:00 PM in the Mulit-Purpose Room of City Hall.
Members are reminded to please don masks prior to arriving at City Hall. Upon arrival vehicle license plates will be recorded, those without front plates or with outstanding violation may choose to proxy vote (the preferred method). Please contact Jean Good to cast your vote. Members tattooed UPC bar code must match the record on file before admission will be granted. Women may wear pantsuits in order to avoid lifting their skirts to display the tattooed ID. Fraudulent tattoos will be referred to the IA's sergeant at arms who will coordinate with sheriff forensic investigators to prosecute violators to the fullest extent of the law. The customary body cavity search will be once again conducted by ROTC Post 793. The IA is working with TSA to obtain a body scanner for our shyer members. It's somewhat unfortunate that the IA non-profit status compels us to display the scanned images in a photo album to be placed on the counter of City Hall. Members are welcome to drink the Kool-Aid generously provided this year by our own short timer City Manger Shauna Clark, Oh Yeah!

Non members should avoid the area since we are prone to violence against residents, non members, pets and farm animals. We will be seeking one of the aforementioned for our traditional sacrifice and barbeque scheduled for Music in The Park this summer.