Tuesday, December 24, 2013

Improvement Association Ruins Christmas!

A Sad La Habra Heights Christmas Story

Twas the night before Christmas, when all through City Hall 
Not a creature was stirring, not even a rat.  The subpoenas were hung by the notice board with care, In hopes that the DA would not soon be there.

 The children were nestled all snug at their desks, While visions of jack hammers rattled their heads.
  And mamma Jean on her broom, and I in my cap, 
Had just settled at the bar for a long winter’s nip. 

When out on Hacienda there arose such a clatter,
 I sprang from the bar to see what was the matter.
  Away to the window I flew like a flash,
shut off the security cameras and hid the cash.

  The spotlight on the crest of asbestos dust white as snow
 Gave the lustre of mid-day to objects below.
  When, what to my wondering eyes should appear,
 But a SWAT team of eight armed with gear.

  With a big, bald driver, so lively and quick, 
I knew in a moment I was going to be sick.
  More rapid than eagles his coursers they came,
 And he whistled, and shouted, and called us by name! 

"Now Miller! now, Higgins! now, Williams and Clark!
 Yo, Bergman!, Yo Francis! You too Levin and Whatley!
  To the front of the walk! Hands against the wall!
 Now go away! go away! go away all!"

 So off to the pokey the coursers they flew,
 With a paddy wagon full and Jean Good too.

  And then, in a twinkling, I heard on the roof
 The prancing and pawing of little rat hoofs.
  As I drew in my head, and was turning around,
 Down the chimney the naughty Easter Bunny came with a bound.

  He was covered all in fur, from his head to his foot,
 And his tail and ears were all tarnished with ashes and soot.
  A bundle of Dues Envelopes he had flung on his back,
 And he looked like a grifter, just opening his pack.

  His face-how wrinkled! his pimples how cherry!
 His arms were like hoses, his nose like a berry! 
His droll little mouth was drawn up like a bow,
 And the tip of his chin was as white as the snow.

 The stump of a joint he held tight in his teeth,
 And the smoke it encircled his head like a wreath.
  He had a sour face and a little round belly,
 That shook when he laughed, like spoiled eggs at the deli!

 He was dirty and greasy, hardly an elf,
 And barfed when I saw him, in spite of myself!
 A stink of his eye and a twist of his head, Soon gave me to know I could soon be dead!

  He spoke not a word, but went straight to his work,
 And filled all his pockets, then turned with a jerk.  
And laying his paw aside of his nose, 
And gave us the bird, up the chimney he rose!

 He summoned all the rats, to his team gave a whistle,
 And away they all ran fast as roaches like a missile.
  But I heard him exclaim, ‘ere he ran out of sight,
"Happy Christmas to all, and better pay your dues tonight!"

Friday, December 13, 2013

$250,000 Stuffed Snow Leopard Headed for City Hall

Dead Leopard Could Do Better Job of Keeping "Undesirables" Out of City...Hall!
Excerpt from 12/13/13 New York Sun Sentinel article:...Lt. Arthur Scott refused to reveal the exact address of the home as Ray Fernandez will be having an Open House this weekend there anyway. Located 25 miles east of Los Angeles, La Habra Heights is a formerly rural neighborhood with winding, unrepaired roads and hillside estates rushed through the planning process for those deemed to be "acceptable" residents. The city’s median household income is $128,000, according to census data. However, this is being sucked away by lowered property values, higher taxes and corrupt city policies.

City officials chose to make no mention of the fact that Sheriff's patrols, reduced to 12.5 hours may have contributed to the teens access to the property. However, Councilman Kyle Miller appeared at a photo opportunity during the Sheriff's press conference. He contributed absolutely nothing and apparently had a name tag printed specifically for the event.

Miller was seen hauling away the stuffed snow leopard at the end of the press conference stating it will be placed at the door of the remodeled City Hall to keep "undesirable" residents from entering. It's value, listed at $250,000, would almost cover legal costs voted on illegally at Thursday's council meeting.

Wednesday, December 11, 2013

LHHIA Approved Councilman Becomes Grandstanding Fool

Name Tag Shines at Epic Burglary Press Conference

Councilman Kyle Miller seen at late afternoon press conference to state everyone should have a shiny name tag

LA HABRA HEIGHTS, Calif. — Authorities have recovered a huge haul of high-end swag that thieves snagged during a party at an empty mansion — including armor, shields and a stuffed snow leopard worth $250,000.
The Los Angeles County Sheriff’s Department says 15 teenagers were arrested Wednesday in connection with last month’s party in La Habra Heights.
Officials with shiny badges and name tags say it was planned on social media and held without the homeowner’s knowledge.
According to investigators, also with shiny badges, party goers without badges entered through a window that was pried open, then trashed the place and stole several pricey items including designer suits and jewelry but no badges.
The combined theft and damages totaled more than $1-million.
Sheriff’s Lt. Arthur Scott (so says the name tag) tells the Los Angeles Times that the suspected leopard thief had no idea how valuable the mounted cat was and only grabbed it “because all the good stuff was gone.” City Councilman Kyle Miller added that his shiny name tag makes him feel special.

Mr. Miller, what happened to the Stuffed Snow Leopard?

Wednesday, December 19, 2012

Merry Christmas, 
from the Grinchs who tried to steal yours.I just act like one
 IA City Council Candidates Michael "Pay Me" Higgins & Kyle "I Like Taxes" Miller with Mother Rat
 Oh, you think you're so smart voting down the Roads Tax.
After we take control of the council next March, we'll be coming after your wallet. It's pay back time!
"The faces may change but the goal to control remains the same"

Monday, October 17, 2011

We Don't Need an Outsider We Can't Control

Please don't upset the apple cart by voting for someone new.
This will only open up the Water Board for public view.
It's our mission to maintain a Board where all members think alike,
So we prefer to appoint our Directors, and stay out of sight.
But since we’re forced to have an election,
it doesn’t mean we need any correction.
We'll keep your water flowing,
so we can get more development going,
And then we'll see our pay checks growing!

Saturday, June 11, 2011

Improvement Association Rats to Gather

This Year's Theme: Eradication of the Non Believers

The Improvement Association has once again deployed their giant mascot in front of City Hall signaling the upcoming "Members Only" meeting and secret election for our cult group. The annual meeting is scheduled for June 16th beginning at 7:00 PM in the Mulit-Purpose Room of City Hall.
Members are reminded to please don masks prior to arriving at City Hall. Upon arrival vehicle license plates will be recorded, those without front plates or with outstanding violation may choose to proxy vote (the preferred method). Please contact Jean Good to cast your vote. Members tattooed UPC bar code must match the record on file before admission will be granted. Women may wear pantsuits in order to avoid lifting their skirts to display the tattooed ID. Fraudulent tattoos will be referred to the IA's sergeant at arms who will coordinate with sheriff forensic investigators to prosecute violators to the fullest extent of the law. The customary body cavity search will be once again conducted by ROTC Post 793. The IA is working with TSA to obtain a body scanner for our shyer members. It's somewhat unfortunate that the IA non-profit status compels us to display the scanned images in a photo album to be placed on the counter of City Hall. Members are welcome to drink the Kool-Aid generously provided this year by our own short timer City Manger Shauna Clark, Oh Yeah!

Non members should avoid the area since we are prone to violence against residents, non members, pets and farm animals. We will be seeking one of the aforementioned for our traditional sacrifice and barbeque scheduled for Music in The Park this summer.

Sunday, April 24, 2011

Improvement Association Kingpins screw up Easter Egg Hunt

IA fact sheet:
-Board member convicted for fraud.
-Verbally abusive to guests at annual membership drive.
-Posing as a federal tax exempt charitable organization
-Now you can add endangering your children's heath by distributing food without a permit at Annual Easter Egg Hunt.
Health Department personnel did not divulge how many bad eggs they found but we recognize the Improvement Association has plenty. No the Easter Bunny was not arrested but we have a list of Improvement Associations members that should have.

"We need your dues to support all the good things we do for the community" –IA's Dues Beggar

Check is in the mail!